It’s June 10, which means that in 33 days I will be setting foot in Berlin once again. This time, it’s for good.
When I first made this somewhat reckless and haphazard decision to move to Berlin, it was the afternoon of June 23 and I was standing in Pariser Platz, staring up at the Brandenburg Gate. Those of you who are closest to me already know this story and the significance of that moment when I fell in love with Berlin. It’s hard to explain, but all it took was that split second of an instant for me to realize it. And even though it has been a long, hard year full of trials, worry, anxiety and anticipation, it has been worth it.
That’s not to say that I have it all figured out. I don’t. Even though I gave myself more than a year to prepare for and plan out this move, there are so many loose ends.
And there’s the issue of cost. Moving in general is expensive. Moving to another country? Thousands of dollars. The cost of the flight itself. The cost of a deposit and renting a new place. The cost of transporting extra luggage (and the loss of all the things I am getting rid of and not making money on). The cost of getting my cats over there. Et cetera.
And I’ve been lucky so far. I have found an awesome flat in a super hip neighborhood with a gracious and friendly new roommate. I have invaluable friends in Berlin, who are helping me with the logistics of arriving and registering through the proper channels. I have the most wonderful parents in the world, who are supporting me throughout the uncertainty of this all, and even going so far as to travel to Germany with me for two weeks in order to aid in getting settled.
Still, with all the good, I can’t help but worry every day. I also can’t help but be excited, while simultaneously sad. For 11 months the only thing I’ve thought about is leaving. Even when I spent New Year’s in Berlin, it didn’t feel real. And now, a month away from that becoming a complete and total reality, I am not regretting things, but I am definitely panicked. Parjanya told me this would happen, that I would all of a sudden ask myself “what the hell are you thinking?” That I would second-guess myself. But that it’s all natural, part of the process, and I can’t talk myself out of it, because it’s too late to do anything but move forward.
When expressing all these concerns to a friend of mine last week, said friend told me “I know you’ll make it work. You know what you want and you work hard to get it.” And it’s true. That old saying, “where there’s a will, there’s a way?” I believe it. If I want something bad enough, I can make it happen. Granted, sometimes life doesn’t work out as planned, but I know that from experience. Yet doors are opening, things are happening, and… dare I say it? Everything is falling into place.